Monday, November 21, 2011

Hot Bar-Tender @ SV ...

In the Southern Village store of Weaver Street Market Co-operative, we have been told by management to smile more.

I kid you not. Apparently, we have been scoring low on our all-important Mystery Shopper Reports (yes, I know; we actually have THOSE in our co-op!). So. We have to smile more, to make management smile more.

Well. If it’s customer-friendly they want …

… good-bye Hot Bar. Hello ‘Hottie Bar,’ and the newly-restyled Hottie Bar-Tender!!

The lights will be dimmed. Stools out front. A sports TV to one side. And the ubiquitous Disco Ball gently rotating in the background, to the insistent, sexy tones of 24 x 7 Barry White.

I have undergone an extreme make-over. Uniform will now be gelled hair, waistcoat and an ever-changing selection of brightly-colored, lycra muscle thongs.

The Weaver Street Market logo will be delicately applied each day, in dazzling pink lip glitter, to the freshly-exposed rear regions – and, if you’ve never seen two Weaver Street logo’s flesh-wrassle, prepare to be entertained (every day, but Sunday; noon, tea-time and a special full-frontal show, when I close the Hottie Bar at 9.00pm).

I am no longer Chef Geoff. Please refer to me in future as ‘The G-Prince.’ I will be cooking and serving my food in a soft, suggestive Andalusian purr, that will make Antonio Banderas sound like … well … a pussy-cat:

“Can I tempt you with my … MEATloaf ... garneeeshed with my fully-RIPEned, ROOTING vegetables, uh huh … ??”

Oh yeah! We’ll put up that Mystery Score …

♫”Girl, I don't know, I don't know why; can't get enough of your love babe"♫