Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Robin Williams, RIP

Well. I've now had 24 hours to come up with something a little more loquacious about Robin Williams than my explosion yesterday.

But you know, I don't want to post memorable scenes. This is a man who took his life through depression. I don't want to hide my feelings. Any more than he did with that same humor.

I don't want to compare myself to him. Yes, for the record, I am diagnosed hyperactive, bi-polar, manic depressive, and I have tailored my life so that I am able (for the moment) to avoid medication by removing stress from my life.

It's why (and I know many of you think this is funny, that's ok) I don't wear a watch, or have a smartphone in my back pocket, or own a calendar. If there is something going on I cannot immediately remember, then my life is too cluttered and stressed. That is my safeguard.

But I do not compare. He is dead. I am alive. There, but for the grace, go I. I just thank life and the universe that I have what Robin did not, in order to see the reason to live, another day.

For all my pretensions of wanting to be loquacious about his death. I don't. I want still to feel the raw emotion I did yesterday. Unfiltered. Untrammeled. No hiding behind clever words. Stale memorable moments. Just the raw feeling.

Why him? Why did you have to take him? Why did you have to go? I am sorry. I wish I had known you. I wish I could have held your hand. For a moment. To let you know. It's ok. Damn.